a very special christmas special SPECIAL: “Andy Williams and the NBC Kids Search For Santa Claus” (1985) part two: THE COMPLETE MOVIE!

You may recall how, for the last few years, I’ve celebrated the Christmas season on this blog by reposting, reviewing, and gently eviscerating beloved holiday specials of yore.  Last Christmas, I started the season off with a review of Andy Williams and the NBC Kids Search For Santa, which was so obscure, I figured no one would ever remember it.  Turns out, I was completely wrong.  Lots of people remembered it, and remembered it fondly.  Problem was, the version on YouTube was incomplete, and no one seemed to have a copy of their own.  Many were prepared to offer burnt offerings to see the thing in its entirety.

Now, normally, I wouldn’t do this, but I feel like this is important enough – at least to the readers of this particular blog – to break with tradition.  It’s an off-season  “Very Special Christmas Special”  post, folks, because, Ladies and Gentlemen, we found it!! Luckysmusic, on YouTube, has posted…. I jest not…. the entire Andy Williams and the NBC Kids Search For Santa special from 1985!

It turns out there is a Santa Claus after all, kids.   And Santa Claus is…. the camera man?  Dr. Claw?  Who knows.

I have my own theory, though…

MINDY COHN LIVES!!!!

a very special christmas special: A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965) (or: Cheer Up, Emo Kid!)

When you think about Christmas specials, you think of A Charlie Brown Christmas.  End of story.  Oh sure, you might think about the Grinch or about Rudolph or even Frosty, and maybe you’re Jewish and you’re thinking about how the Rugrats gang finally threw the chosen people a frickin’ bone a few years back with their Hanukkah special.  A Charlie Brown Christmas, however, is the template.  It’s why every stupid sitcom has a very special holiday episode where someone learns the True Meaning of Christmas.

The True Meaning of Christmas.  That’s a phrase that means nothing, isn’t it?  It’s been dragged out by retailers and hucksters so often that it can now only be said wrapped snugly in quotation marks.   I think this is where it comes from, though.   The aforementioned Rudolph, and especially The Year Without A Santa Claus, are heavilly plot-based affairs.  Usually, Christmas itself is in jeapordy, and its up to a plucky soul to save it.  Why is Christmas so important?  Um, because, you know, the kids will be disappointed if there are no toys.  Oh noes.

The interesting thing about the Peanuts gang, though, is this: even though they’re presented as children, and even though they have some of the concerns children have, they’re not really children.  They’re flawed and selfish, but they’re flawed and selfish in the same way grownups are.  I knew bratty little kids growing up, but I never really met Lucy until, say, college.   You’ll notice you don’t see Charlie Brown pining after particular Christmas gifts here.  The other kids do, but it’s mostly incidental, and it’s in a very grown-up way.  Lucy wants real estate, and Sally wants her present in small bills.

As we begin, Charlie Brown’s practically singing The Mighty Mighty Bosstones’ “Sure Don’t Feel Like Christmas Time” as he walks around through his home town.  That’s one of the all-time great bummer Christmas songs, and I recommend you give it a listen if you’re ever feeling blue around the holidays.   You know what else is a bummer song?  “Christmas Time Is Here” by Vince Guaraldi – which all the kids are singing.  It’s a lovely slow jazz tune, but somehow the children’s choir gives it a certain dirge-like quality.

Charlie Brown and Linus head out to ice skate with the other kids, and Charlie opens up to his bro about how crappy Chrismas makes him feel.  Linus tells him to stop being so damn emo.  Charlie hits a tree while ice skating, and all the snow falls off the tree and buries him alive.  Then, the title appears.  That’s how it starts.  Probably the most beloved and resonant American Christmas story apart from “The Gift Of The Magi,” and it begins with seasonal depression and a potentially fatal avalanche.  MERRY [bleep]ING CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!!!!!!!

a very special christmas special (repeat): A Muppet Family Christmas (1988) (or: To Serve Muppets)

Part of the “charm” of Christmas specials is the ability to watch and re-watch them over and over again.  They become familiar, and they become part of your family’s Christmas tradition.  So, in the spirit of that (and to lighten my blog-load while I finish up the next post) here’s a re-run from last year:

(note: certain bits have been tweaked and re-worked.  Original post date: Dec. 15, 2007)

We continue our retrospective of beloved holiday entertainments with something I just loved to pieces as a small geek.  It’s got Sesame Street Muppets.  It’s got Muppet Show Muppets.  It’s got Fraggles.  It’s got the Muppet Babies.  It is, in short, the ultimate crossover multi-Muppetverse extravaganza.  It’s Crisis on Infinite Earths for the holidays.  It’s “The Five Doctors,” rendered in felt.   We taped this one off TV when I was eight or so, and I pretty much wore out the tape watching it and re-watching it.

It is A Muppet Family Christmas, and I love it more than Joanie loves Chachi.  That being said, it does raise one or two very interesting ethical questions concerning the dietary habits of our anthropomorphic friends.  The Swedish Chef is looking more and more like a sick mofo’ by the day.  Bork bork bork, indeed.

a very special christmas special: Jim Henson’s A Christmas Toy (1986) – sort of liveblogged.

I have extremely vague memories about this one.  I’m not even sure if I ever saw the whole thing.  All I know is I’m pretty sure I saw it over at Lisa D’angelo’s house when I was six and that they had taped it off of TV by means of a strange and arcane device known as a “VCR”.  A VCR was what people used to record media before TiVo, but after cuniform tablets.

So, right now, as I’m writing this, I haven’t seen The Christmas Toy in about 20 years.  I know it involves a lovable little kitty and a scary witch doll, and some ungrateful little brats who forgot about their doll last year, and perhaps some Fraggles.   That’s all I know.   I’m pressing play…… nnnnnnow.

a very special christmas special: “Pluto’s Christmas Tree (1952)” (or: Chipmunks are Mean-Spirited Little Turds)

Where exactly do Mickey and Pluto live?  You’d think California or Florida, except they’re obviously someplace with snow and pine trees.  And chipmunks.   Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ch-ch-ch-Chip and Dale: Rescue Rangers.  Except here, they’re nude and can’t speak English.  This is obviously before The House of Mouse undertook the White Man’s Burden of civilizing these poor tree-dwelling savages.  Sure, it’s a stretch, but I’ll take any chance I can get to tie Disney to the Age of Imperialism.

OH, COME ON, ANDY, THAT’S NOT FAIR.  “PLUTO’S CHRISTMAS TREE” IS ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE ANIMATED SHORTS OF ALL TIME, AND YOU KNOW IT.

Fine.  You caught me.  Watch and learn why, below the cut:

a very special christmas special: A Wish For Wings That Work (1991) (or: Mommy, Why Is The Penguin So Mean To The Kitty?)

Bloom County.  Outland.  The Opusverse, we’ll call it, or the Bloom Count-inuum.  Whatever it is, that’s one of my natural mental homes.  I’ve already talked in these pages about how much Berke Breathed’s skewed heartland aesthetic and lovably neurotic characters affected me and how I think about the world, and now that he’s retiring, we’ll miss him.   Maybe one day there’ll be another Opus and Bill TV special.  Maybe.  But probably not.

There was one, though, in 1991.  It’s an adaptation of the picture book A Wish For Wings That Work.  I’ve posted the full movie below.  I haven’t seen it in years, and I’ve always… sort of liked it.  Some people swear by it.  Some people swear at it.  You’ll see what I mean after the jump.

a very special christmas special: Andy Williams and the NBC Kids Search for Santa (or: Who Killed Mindy Cohn?)

I did this last year and people seemed to like it, so I’m doing it again.  For the next month or so, I’ll be reviewing Christmas specials of days gone by, including some Very Special Christmas Episodes and Christmas movies.  If you have any suggestions of beloved holiday classics you want to see me eviscerate lovingly scold, please feel free to leave them in the comments.

We’ll start off this festive season by getting obscure.  Real obscure.  So obscure, in fact, that even I have no memories of this special, and I’m a guy who remembers Hi, Honey, I’m Home.

Back in the 80s, NBC had a serious TV line up.  It had Cosby.  It had Cheers.  It had LA Law and Silver Spoons.  It had Knight Rider.  And oh did it ever like to strut its stuff (peacock-like, of course) by presenting its galaxy of stars in a series of Special Presentations.

Yes.  Let’s all be there.  NBC was the cock of the walk in those days.  Strut strut strut.  Case in point: Andy Williams and the NBC Kids Search for Santa. Oh yes, we’re very obscure today, folks.

I don’t think this is the complete special.  If anyone has it, or has access to it, then God yes I want to see it.  Especially if there’s more crazy shenanigans from the NBC kids.   Oh, those crazy NBC kids.  Always getting into trouble with their DUIs and breast reductions and such.

This is, of course, before all that.  This is from 1985,  a simpler time, a time when you could play on the audiences nostalgia of an even simpler time by dragging out friendly Andy Williams and his friendly sweaters and having him sing to a gaggle of adorable anklebiters.  Especially if the adorable anklebiters are, in this case, highly paid tele-brats.

Witness the magic for yourself below the cut.