I am the laziest cyber-pundit in the world

03 Apr

Mike Madden, on Salon, has written an article about Sen. Clinton’s latest campaign strategy, which is: bank on ’90s nostalgia (cuz, see, she was First Lady back in the day.)  It might work – I know at least two Hillary supporters who give their reasons as “we miss Bill Clinton.”  (hi, Beth!) 

The main reason I’m posting about this here is so I can be the first to write the following joke:  Hillary Clinton’s going for so much ’90s nostalgia, her new campaign manager is Gerardo!

That’ll get the Latin vote for sure!  Muy caliente!

Changing topics here: let’s say Sen. Clinton’s rival, Barack Obama, gets the nomination.  It’s the last day of the convention.  Someone impressive and highly regarded in Democratic circles – let’s say it’s Al Gore or Jennifer Granholm, ‘cuz it sure ain’t gonna be Bill – is up on the stage, ready to introduce “the next President of these United States of America.”  You know, like they do.  Like how Max Cleland introduced John Kerry. 

Like how Senator Max Cleland introduced Senator John…. Fitzgerald Kerry.

You see where I’m going with this. 

You sort of need to say someone’s middle name when you’re introducing them as a candidate for such a grand job as the Presidency.  It would sound weird if you didn’t.  When the candidate has a nifty sounding middle name, like Jefferson or Delano or, well, Fitzgerald, it adds a certain gravitas.  And, by the way, it’s not just that these are “white” names.  “Herbert Walker” is a terrible middle name.  My middle name is “Francis”, and while I’m proud of both of my great-grandfathers who held this name, it just doesn’t sound presidential.  Neither does my last name. 

My point is, someone’s gonna have to introduce Barack when he gets the nomination.  And someone’s going to have to make a choice whether  they’re gonna say the “Hussein” part or not.  Say “Hussein” – open up a can of worms.  Don’t say “Hussein” – open up a can of worms.  It ain’t pretty, but that’s how completely bullshit the media is.  It’ll be a Big Story no matter what Al, Jenny, or Howard says.

Frankly, “Barack Hussein Obama,” is a very poetic name, if you divorce it from all subtext.  It sounds good.  It has a cadence.  My advice, then, to any who might be listening, is to go ahead and say it.  Pretending the guy’s middle name isn’t the same as the last name of the last guy we overthrew isn’t going to work.  Besides, anyone – Hannity, Savage, Glenn &$%ing Beck – who makes someone’s middle name an issue is no better than a schoolyard bully and should be treated as such. 

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Posted by on April 3, 2008 in politics, tomfoolery, tv


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