It’s long, but it’s good and angry, and I say stuff like “for the last eight years, the USA has been run by some asshole you wanted to have a beer with. Now it’s my turn to vote for some asshole I want to have a beer with,” below the jump.
(started 8/29/08, finished in the wee hours, 8/31/08)
You may have noticed that I’m on an eighteen-hour delay here. I like to let things digest before I bloviate about them, which is what sets me apart from certain 24-hour news outlets I could mention. Which is why I’m not going to talk about Sarah Palin, some lady from Alaska who’s going to be John McCain’s running mate whether he likes it or not. That announcement’s coming out today, and I have nothing to say on it, yet.
Except this: as Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin brought both parties together to lead the fight against moose tipping. And good for her. McCain’s obviously going for the “Crabby Fussbudgets For Hillary” demographic with his veep choice, and the fact that she’s pro-life, into guns, a mother of five, and sort of young and hot probably doesn’t hurt. It’s sort of wonderful that there’s a woman on the ticket, it’s less wonderful that said woman has a sort of Geraldine Ferraro vibe about her. And let it be said that, should something happen to Obama, we’d be in good hands with Biden. If McCain’s melanoma, like, eats his face off or something, we’ve got sort of a problem.
Which is basically everything I have to say about Gov. Palin right now. So never mind.
Turning back the clock to last night, it was the only day of the convention I didn’t watch start to finish. I probably will later, on C-SPAN.com, just cuz I’m a big nerd, but last night, I was listening by and large on the radio as Fever2Tell and I sat in some epic traffic on our way to the Cape. So, let’s see:
– Academy Award winning actress Jennifer Hudson, from Dreamgirls, sang the National Anthem. I’ll bet the Republicans go with Wayne Brady. White people love Wayne Brady.
– Howard Dean, I would assume, was Howard Dean like. I missed him.
– There was a lovely MLK Tribute, which I assume was accompanied by video, but the only thing I saw was, you know, cape traffic. Martin Luther King’s speech took place exactly 45 years before the final night of the convention, which I’m sure was completely coincidental and NOT some sort of cynical manipulative “tug the heart strings” ploy the Democrat party decided to use to make them look like the “party of inclusion” when every right thinking American knows that just means Communist holy crap where’s THIS coming from?
….I’ve gotta get off the Cape. Excuse me.
That’s better – now I’m thinking like a rational human being, and not like someone like, say, Monica Crowley, who said on her radio show that Gov. Palin was “one of us.” Right. She is, in fact, a lot like someone you would meet every day if you lived in Alaska or something. Why being “one of us” suddenly makes her capable of running the f*cking country escapes me.
No, really, enough about Palin. For now.
Let’s see. Tim Kaine and Bill Richardson both did the whole “rile up the base” thing. On a normal day, this would be like thinking that adding both salt and pepper to your food made you some sort of adventurous foodie, but this was no normal day. This was the day when The One was going to be annointed with his charge to lead the Democratic party to the Promised Land. AhhhhhhhhAAAAHHHhhahaaaa….
I’m sorry, I’m being a bad liberal. Excuse me.
Almighty Duke, who gaveth his political life upon the Blessed Tank so that we liberal pilgrims would not maketh asses of ourselves in the future, I am truly sorry for my sin of Cynicism, and am even more truly sorry for basically quoting Rush Limbaugh a second ago. Also, I dranketh of a Diet Coke earlier today and didn’t recycleth the bottle. Forgive me these trespasses so that I may learn to direct my snark and vinegar towards those Republicans even more cynical than I, such as the presumptive GOP nominee who may, I shit thee not, be delivering his acceptance speech from the disaster zone left in Hurricane Gustave’s wake. The jerk is probably praying that cities and towns get destroyed so that he can look like some kind of hero, standing tall with the “good people of the Gulf Region” while Sen. Obama gave his speech in front of something that, thou hast to admit, sort of looked like the set from A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum. But that’s not the point, O Duke of the Tank. Anyway, I’m sorry.
In the name of the father (or mother), the son (or daughter), and the holy thingy, Ahuman.
Now, where was I?
Look, I don’t buy the “messiah” stuff when it comes to Obama. Most of us are cynical, and he’s not, and that’s either refreshing or infuriating, depending on your point of view. That is, I think, the main reason people tend to regard him as either the second coming or as some sort of pretentious false prophet. I’m voting for him because he’s a person with the right ideas, and it doesn’t hurt that he’s charismatic. Lord knows how he’s going to do all the stuff he promised he’d do, but it’s nice to know that he at least realizes it needs doing.
Or, to put it another way: for the last eight years, the USA has been run by some asshole you wanted to have a beer with. Now it’s my turn to vote for some asshole I want to have a beer with.
Al Gore made a pretty awesome point during his speech – in amongst all the global warming stuff – about how Abraham Lincoln actually had less experience than Obama when he was elected. They are also both lanky and from Illinois. So there.
Obama’s speech blew me away, incidentally, and even though I’ve listened to it twice, I can’t quite wrap my head around all of it. So here’s what I’ve got: he told us exactly what he’d do, he told us exactly why McCain would be a bad choice, and he explained where he was coming from. Anyone who still says he doesn’t have any meat to his candidacy obviously wasn’t listening. He talked about the need to end stupid partisan bickering, which really is sort of destroying this country. He spoke wisely about finding common ground on all these stupid, divisive issues that we’ve been arguing about for years. He pretty much diffused all the stupid attacks people have been making in one fell swoop, and damn if he didn’t look presidential. I’d be really proud to live in a country who’d vote for this guy.
As Bill Maher pointed out on Real Time, he did what we’ve been wanting the Democrats to do for years: he fought back. He took back patriotism and said you could love your country without loving everything this stupid administration’s done. And that’s such a no-brainer, but no one from the DemocratIC party was saying it. Maybe that’s why people think he’s The Chosen One: because he’s the first politician to put into words exactly why lefties like me have been angry for a decade. It’s not just that we’re sick of being called unpatriotic, it’s that we’re sick of what “patriotism” has come to mean.
Anyway, if you missed the speech, it’s not too late to watch it on Youtube. If you plan on voting this November (and you’d better), I would ask that you watch it, regardless of your political persuasion. You might not be convinced that he’s the best choice to be President, but at least you’ll know what he’s about. Seriously, it’ll take 45 minutes of your time, and knowing you, you were just going to use that time to paint your toenails and watch Intervention again.
I’ll say this, though: certain jerky mcjerkheads are calling what happened in Denver thursday night a “spectacle,” and saying it’s proof that Obama thinks he’s the messiah and ooh isn’t he so much better than us. And, you know what, I can see how it looks like that. However, you could also see it as a great thing for the democratic process, that there’s a candidate so many people are jazzed about, they filled up an entire football stadium, and that’s not counting the 38 million who watched at home, and that’s worth setting off fireworks for.
Or, how about this: Dear President Bush – people hate you so much, we threw a “We Hate President Bush” party, and everybody came. Nyaah nyaah.
Well, this has been fun. Come back next week, when we’ll be live from St. Paul live from my goddamn couch again with full occasional coverage of Live! with Regis and Kelly the GOP Convention. I’m sure it will be enlightening fun something to look forward to. See you then!
*- Some images (c) 2008, Wonkette.