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Category Archives: toons

a very special christmas special: “The Snowman” (1982)

Call me one of them liberal, east-coast, Volvo-drivin’, latte-drinkin’, public radio givin’, Obama votin’, gay marryin’, baby abortin’, Trader Joes shoppin’, tofu eatin’, 30 Rock viewin’, Salon readin’, book ownin’, French lovin’ elitists, but if you want to watch a story about a snowman who magically comes to life due to the magic of Christmas that doesn’t suck ox nor ass…. then you need to get with this jive, right here.

It’s The Snowman.  Maybe you saw it on PBS in the 1980s.  Or maybe you’re British and you saw it on ITV.  Anyway, it’s practically wordless, so I’m not going to say any more about it.  It’s just freaking magical and beautiful and I love it, so there.

 

 

Ok, this version cuts “Walking In The Air” into two pieces, so here’s the full song.  And here’s the 1983 intro, where we learn that the little boy grows up to be David Bowie.  Seriously.

And that means that, if you want, you can watch “Walking In The Air” with the sound turned down, and play this song instead.  But only if you absolutely must.

And: Merry Christmas.  We’ll do this again next year.

 
 

talk about your inaugural balls….

Brief note:  so, recently, I was re-assigned from my cushy work-at-home-and-blog-whenever-I-damn-well-please job to a less cushy drive-twenty-miles-no-blogs-allowed job. 

Heh.  Noooo blogs allooowwwwed.  You’re not alllowwwwed

Oh, Snoopy – you’re so cute when you’re the hapless victim of an oppressive and arbitrary policy.  Awww.  Anyway, no blogs allowed at my current day job.  Also, I’m applying for grad schools and trying to make music and do productive things with my time, and this blog ain’t puttin’ food on the table, if you catch my drift.  Therefore, while I’m not suspending it, I’m also not necessarily going to be paying a lot of attention to it for a little while. 

However, I gotta talk about the inauguration.  I have a friend who I love dearly, but with whom I disagree vehemently when it comes to politics.  The other night, she exclaimed “Well, we’ll all be living in a Communist nation on Tuesday, so there.”   Right.  Because there’s absolutely no difference whatsoever between a series of infrastructure bailouts, specific and targeted tax hikes, and the temporary increase of the size of the federal government to deal with a specific and imminent economic scenario…. and, you know, gulags and shit.  I could have pointed out that the last eight years have had certain things in common with “Communist Russia”, with extreme state secrecy, a crackdown on civil liberties and, um, gulags and shit.  I could have also pointed out that the main reason America didn’t go fascist with the rest of the world in the 1930s was because FDR decided to put people to work building bridges and doing government-funded projects, and that American history has shown us that, every now and then, a little bit of socialism keeps us from cannibalising each other, but I’m really bad at snappy comebacks.

The point being this: capitalism ain’t going anywhere, folks.  Behold, the cavalcade of commemorative crap you can buy if you make your way down to the District of Columbia this week.  For example:

There’s nothing like casually comparing the legacy of a sitting President to a dirty diaper full of greenish, rancid-smelling, baby poo. 

See more over at the Slate slide show, Thongs We Can Believe In, here.  Yes, thongs.  Being familiar with Cafepress, where anyone can stamp their crappy band, webcomic, or improv troupe’s logo all over anything from coffee mugs to clocks to, yes, underwear, this doesn’t shock or suprise me.  However, blah blah if you actually decide to wear this to bed blah blah blah stimulus package.  Oh ho ho!

 
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Posted by on January 18, 2009 in politics, tomfoolery, toons, youtube

 

a very special christmas special: “Pluto’s Christmas Tree (1952)” (or: Chipmunks are Mean-Spirited Little Turds)

plxmas2Where exactly do Mickey and Pluto live?  You’d think California or Florida, except they’re obviously someplace with snow and pine trees.  And chipmunks.   Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ch-ch-ch-Chip and Dale: Rescue Rangers.  Except here, they’re nude and can’t speak English.  This is obviously before The House of Mouse undertook the White Man’s Burden of civilizing these poor tree-dwelling savages.  Sure, it’s a stretch, but I’ll take any chance I can get to tie Disney to the Age of Imperialism.

OH, COME ON, ANDY, THAT’S NOT FAIR.  “PLUTO’S CHRISTMAS TREE” IS ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE ANIMATED SHORTS OF ALL TIME, AND YOU KNOW IT.

Fine.  You caught me.  Watch and learn why, below the cut:

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a very special christmas special: A Wish For Wings That Work (1991) (or: Mommy, Why Is The Penguin So Mean To The Kitty?)

Bloom County.  Outland.  The Opusverse, we’ll call it, or the Bloom Count-inuum.  Whatever it is, that’s one of my natural mental homes.  I’ve already talked in these pages about how much Berke Breathed’s skewed heartland aesthetic and lovably neurotic characters affected me and how I think about the world, and now that he’s retiring, we’ll miss him.   Maybe one day there’ll be another Opus and Bill TV special.  Maybe.  But probably not.

There was one, though, in 1991.  It’s an adaptation of the picture book A Wish For Wings That Work.  I’ve posted the full movie below.  I haven’t seen it in years, and I’ve always… sort of liked it.  Some people swear by it.  Some people swear at it.  You’ll see what I mean after the jump.

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a very special christmas special: Andy Williams and the NBC Kids Search for Santa (or: Who Killed Mindy Cohn?)

I did this last year and people seemed to like it, so I’m doing it again.  For the next month or so, I’ll be reviewing Christmas specials of days gone by, including some Very Special Christmas Episodes and Christmas movies.  If you have any suggestions of beloved holiday classics you want to see me eviscerate lovingly scold, please feel free to leave them in the comments.

awnbckids2

We’ll start off this festive season by getting obscure.  Real obscure.  So obscure, in fact, that even I have no memories of this special, and I’m a guy who remembers Hi, Honey, I’m Home.

Back in the 80s, NBC had a serious TV line up.  It had Cosby.  It had Cheers.  It had LA Law and Silver Spoons.  It had Knight Rider.  And oh did it ever like to strut its stuff (peacock-like, of course) by presenting its galaxy of stars in a series of Special Presentations.

Yes.  Let’s all be there.  NBC was the cock of the walk in those days.  Strut strut strut.  Case in point: Andy Williams and the NBC Kids Search for Santa. Oh yes, we’re very obscure today, folks.

I don’t think this is the complete special.  If anyone has it, or has access to it, then God yes I want to see it.  Especially if there’s more crazy shenanigans from the NBC kids.   Oh, those crazy NBC kids.  Always getting into trouble with their DUIs and breast reductions and such.

This is, of course, before all that.  This is from 1985,  a simpler time, a time when you could play on the audiences nostalgia of an even simpler time by dragging out friendly Andy Williams and his friendly sweaters and having him sing to a gaggle of adorable anklebiters.  Especially if the adorable anklebiters are, in this case, highly paid tele-brats.

Witness the magic for yourself below the cut.

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New Yorker cartoons still suck.

Let’s talk about this nonsense right here:

As you can see, the cover of the New Yorker depicts Senator Obama as a flag-burnin’, funny clothes wearin’ Muslim exchanging terrorist fist bumps with his wife, dressed as some crazy Black Panther militant chick with an Uzi.  You will note that neither one of them wears a flag pin.

I get it.  Here, in this cartoon, is every ridiculous rumor, stereotype, and half-truth ever spread about the Obamas rolled into one.  It’s everything your grandmother has tried to warn you about via email over the past year, and the only thing it’s missing is a jpeg of a cow with the Virgin Mary on its back.  Next week’s cartoon: someone using their cell phone to pop popcorn.  Oh ho ho.

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Posted by on July 16, 2008 in politics, toons, tv

 

I choose you, Barackachu

This is super-silly, but still kind of awesome.  From The Modern Romantic:

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Posted by on April 4, 2008 in politics, tomfoolery, toons, webtoons