30 Day Song Challenge: Day 2 – My Least Favorite Song

Day 2

Theme: Your Least Favorite Song

Artist: Aaron Neville and Linda Rondstadt

Song: “I Don’t Know Much (But I Know I Love You)”

“I don’t know much, but I know I love yooooou…”

After writing a dissertation about my favorite song, I was going to keep my comments on my least favorite song down to just one word.  And I really, really tried, but the only word that came to mind wasn’t a word at all – it was more of a low, guttural noise that sounds like I’m barfing up my own vocal chords.  Coincidentally, that’s the exact noise I make whenever I hear this treacle-stuffed ode to stupid people in love.
Also, Aaron Neville’s voice has always bothered me.
“I may sing like I have suffered a chronic head injury, but I know I love yoooou…”

Ugh.  This song is bloody awful.  “Look at these dreams/so beaten and so battered.”  Dreams aren’t physical objects.  If you’re referring to them as such, you’d better have a pretty solid metaphor to hang it on.  Shattered dreams works.  Beaten and battered just doesn’t.   Oh, and they just repeat the damn chorus over and over and over and over and ARGH!

“I may be a low-functioning adult, but I know I love yooou…”
I never liked this song.  Ever.  This song always made me want to punch things.  I’m sorry.

This song came out in 1989 – the absolute worst year for pop music in history, ever.   You people think it’s bad now?  1989 was infinitely worse.   You know what the #1 song of 1989 was?  “Look Away” by Chicago.   The top 40 songs of the year featured four – count ’em, FOUR – songs by Milli Vanilli.

However, the fact that a black guy and a white girl are singing a love duet to each other here says a lot about how far we’d come as a society, even then.  Just ten years before this song came out, you couldn’t have shown this performance in certain parts of the south.  It says a lot about us as a people that, today, the only thing that bothers us about this song is that it fucking sucks.

 

30 Day Song Challenge #1: Your Favorite Song

This is a Facebook meme, but I’m posting commentary here (for as long as I remember to do so or feel like it).  Every day, you post a song based on a pre-determined theme.  The rules are over here.  My notes, and the song, are right here.

Day #1

Theme: Your Favorite Song

Band: The Cure

Song: “Doing The Unstuck” (live)

I used to hate The Cure.  That just looks wrong, doesn’t it?  Andy used to hate The Cure.  It’s like saying Coke once wanted to taste more like Pepsi, and Ricky Gervais used to sing in a bad pop band.  And yet, these things are all true.

My first exposure to The Cure was when I was nine, and I saw the “Lullaby” video.  It freaked me out.  The video features Robert Smith, lying in bed, while a big furry thing eats him and the rest of the band play olde tyme instruments dressed like Civil War soldier ghosts, bedecked in cobwebs.  Meanwhile, Robert sings about how the spider man is having you for dinner tonight, and how his tongue is in your eyes and oh god it was weird.  This was not your friendly neighborhood spider man he was talking about.  I hated the Cure.

 

2010: Our Hideous Future

Having been busy writing, producing, and recording a musical, I haven’t had much time to talk about how I wrote, produced, and recorded a musical (with my friend, Boston Playwright Carl Danielson and a score of talented local actors and theatrical artisans.)

So: Okay.  It’s called 2010: Our Hideous Future – The Musical! It’s a satire of Blade Runner/The Matrix/Max Headroom type stuff, but it’s also a queer-friendly romantic comedy.  Basically, it’s Thelma and Louise meets 2000 A.D.

It premiered at the Boston Playwright’s Theater last August to ravenous applause, and we just performed it at Arisia 2011.  We’re trying to find other places to perform as well, because dammit if we don’t believe in this little project.

The whole point of this is: here’s our official blog site.  It has music.  It (will have) pictures.  It has info and updates.  It has everything you need to navigate your scary spooky no good future.

We think that’s nice.

 

a very special christmas special: “The Snowman” (1982)

Call me one of them liberal, east-coast, Volvo-drivin’, latte-drinkin’, public radio givin’, Obama votin’, gay marryin’, baby abortin’, Trader Joes shoppin’, tofu eatin’, 30 Rock viewin’, Salon readin’, book ownin’, French lovin’ elitists, but if you want to watch a story about a snowman who magically comes to life due to the magic of Christmas that doesn’t suck ox nor ass…. then you need to get with this jive, right here.

It’s The Snowman.  Maybe you saw it on PBS in the 1980s.  Or maybe you’re British and you saw it on ITV.  Anyway, it’s practically wordless, so I’m not going to say any more about it.  It’s just freaking magical and beautiful and I love it, so there.

 

 

Ok, this version cuts “Walking In The Air” into two pieces, so here’s the full song.  And here’s the 1983 intro, where we learn that the little boy grows up to be David Bowie.  Seriously.

And that means that, if you want, you can watch “Walking In The Air” with the sound turned down, and play this song instead.  But only if you absolutely must.

And: Merry Christmas.  We’ll do this again next year.

 

a very special christmas special, “John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together” (1979)

As you are probably aware, based on my previous posts about A Muppet Family Christmas and The Christmas Toy, and my yearly exultations that The Muppet Christmas Carol is the best and most faithful film adaptation of the original book A Christmas Carol despite being narrated by Rizzo the Rat and Gonzo the Great, the Muppets and Christmas occupy roughly the same spot in my brain.  It’s that soft, gooey, marshmallow-like cluster nestled at the back of my hippocampus, near the base of my occipital lobe.  If you were to poke it, I would involuntarily start waving my arms around like Kermit.

However, I have never actually seen John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together until today.  Part of this may have to do with the fact that it has never been officially released on VHS, and part of this may have to do with the fact that it came out the year I was born and I was too busy spitting up strained squash and eating stuff I found on the carpet to notice.   Either way, I found it on the Youtubes, and have decided to write about my experiences watching this holiday gem for the first damn time.

Aaaaaaand… push play.

Fade in on the late John Denver, sprightly and alive and in the middle of his “Oh, God” heyday.   Because ‘tis the glorious season of Yuletide, he’s dressed like a Dickensian gent, resplendent with his purple top hat and all.  At this point, things could really go either way – of all the M.O.R. artists ever to walk this Earth, John Denver is the M.O.Riest.  For every heartfelt, aching ballad like “Leavin’ On A Jetplane,” there’s an “Annie’s Song.”   For every “Rocky Mountain High”, there’s a Coors beer commercial where a bunch of people start singing “Rocky Mountain High.”   And, of course, there’s that big old slice of bitter irony pie you have to mention when you’re a heartless bastard like me and someone brings up John Denver: “Leaving On A Jet Plane” was written by a man who died when his private plane crashed.  Either the jokes make themselves or they really, really don’t.  I’m still not sure how I feel about it.

And, either this is going to be the most goddamn heartwarming thing I’ve ever experienced, or it’s going to be 2 solid hours of molten Velveeta cheese.  Things don’t look so good when ol’ John starts singing “The 12 Days Of Christmas”, a song that’s only tolerable when Muppets are involved.

Thank God there are Muppets involved.  Fozzie screws up his lines, Miss Piggy adds some “ba-dump-bump-bumps” to her FIIIIIVE GOOOOOLD RIIIINGS line, and all is right with the world.

 

There’s more, after the break.

 

songs you don’t know: Hatsume Miku, “World Is Mine”

The song isn’t important here – it’s basically random Japanese pop.   The clip, however, is.   It’s a rare day when one actually catches a glimpse of the future – and, for better or for worse, this is probably the future.  The horrible future.  The horrible, hideous, no-good future.

No, seriously, watch this.

Yeah.  I know.

However, just imagine the possibilities if this technology was ever used for good.

By which I obviously mean: George Harri-Gram and John LennonBot.

Oh, who am I kidding?  You know who the first dead celebrity’s gonna be that they drag, kicking and screaming back from the grave to dance for our pleasure?  I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count.

Apparently, Michael Jackson had his body scanned during the ’90s, and I don’t mean by the police, looking for “identifying marks” 0n his naughty bits.  No, he had his body literally turned into a hologram.   There was even a rumor, last year, that the big series of concerts MJ was supposed to play in London before he died would happen after all… in holographic form, anyway.

Whether you think watching Holo-MJ dancing with Real Justin Timberlake would be an awesome way to spend an evening or not… I think it’s safe to say that the future has landed with a horrid thud.

 

 

 

songs you don’t know: “Apologize (Revolutionary War version)”

Some amazing people, with too much time on their hands and access to some nifty costumes, did this parody of the OneRepublic tune “Apologize”, but, you know, about the American Revolution and stuff.   Enjoy.  Happy day-after-the-4th!

 

songs you don’t know: “Black No. 1”, Type O Negative

Type O Negative were pretty much a goth metal band, along the lines of Danzig.  And like Danzig, they had a wicked sense of humor.   I mean, you don’t get anywhere in this business if your dark, heavy music really is all “death and dark and my eternal sooooooul….”  You’ve gotta laugh at yourself, is what I’m saying.  Type O were a goth/metal band that covered Neil Young’s “Cinnamon Girl” for heaven’s sake.

I almost posted that video, because their cover is my personal favorite Type O tune, but the video is bad.  I mean, rrrreal bad.  It’s like Roadrunner Records clipped together a bunch of footage of the band playing other songs, mixed it with some oh-so-alternative shots of PEOPLE MOSHING HOLY SH#T, and… I mean, it smacks of fake.  Ah, Roadrunner.

So, instead, we post this one: it’s “Black No. 1”, which is basically a song about a goth girl and how totally into her Peter is.  The bridge/main hook is “Loving you is like loving the dead.”  That’s all you need to know.
Anyway, Peter Steele, the growling, Brooklyn-accented frontman of Type O Negative, died yesterday.  The music world mourns his loss, and quite a few souls just got a little bit darker.

This song takes me back to junior year of college like few other things.   We used to sing “LOVIN’ YOU IS LIKE LOOOVIN’ TED!” to my friend Ted Chernesky.  Ah, memories.

 

Dude! It’s The ’90s!: Sponge, “Plowed”

Sponge – “Plowed”

Summary: “Hey, gang, let’s get the band together and record a video!  We can film it in sepia tone so it doesn’t look so much like we’re shooting in Mom’s dining room, and my kid brother can turn the light switch on and off in time with the music.  I’ve been watching Stone Temple Pilots videos all week, and you guys can, I dunno, flail your hair around or something.  Man, we are *so* the next Led Zeppelin!”

Things to notice:  Scott Weiland?  More like NOT Weiland. Oh, snap. Seriously, though, are they trying to be the Hydrox to STP’s Oreo? (0:10)

The guy who does the backing vocals must be pretty darn fugly.  Every time the guitarist jumps in with “Say a prayer for me,” we see the same damn shot of the same damn guy, except we only see him in shadow.   Either he’s less photogenic than faux-Scott, or he wants to run for office some day.   (0:52)

Mom’s dining room has a fruit fly problem.  (2:21)

Verdict:   Sponge, whatever you want to say about them, knew how to write good, catchy rock songs.  “Plowed” is a near-perfect example of early-90s rock and roll, and in a perfect world, “Molly” and “Wax Ecstatic” would be equally well-remembered.  Vinnie’s got one of those great ‘90s rock voices, and they made it onto the soundtracks of not one, but two seminal ‘90s flicks: Chasing Amy and Empire Records.  Unfortunately, this video is as boring as cat pee, which, coincidentally, is the same color as this video.  (D+)

 

Dude! It’s The 90s!: Butthole Surfers, “Pepper”

Butthole Surfers – “Pepper”

Summary: The Butthole Surfers are arrested by the Dallas police department for the assassination of President River Phoenix.  Then they eat some chili.

Things To Notice: Dallas PD cars, Cops in cowboy hats, black and white footage…   (0:15) There’s a lot of JFK assassination imagery here, and a lot of ’60s commercial parodies.  We can assume that this is sort of supposed to be about Lee Harvey Oswald.  A little.  Maybe.   See, Gibby was there the night River Phoenix died, which was the closest thing our generation had to a JFK moment until St. Kurt died for our sins.   Methinks he’s got some survivor’s guilt to work through.

WTF Erik Estrada?  (0:48) Yes, that’s Erik “CHIPs” Estrada, being questioned by the cops, perhaps about a shady time share deal.

…or is Gibby saying he’s Charles Manson? (1:18) It’s gotta be said, the lyric  “some will die in hot pursuit while sifting through my ashes” is a pretty pseudo-messianic thing to say, and Gibby sure looks like Charlie.  It should be noted that Gibby’s not a bad actor for a rock dude – he’s giving a very convincing performance of someone who’s distraught after having been rudely woken up.  Or he could just be coming down hard.

Chili, guy? (1:59) I don’t know what the significance of the canned chili is, but Erik Estrada seems to be enjoying it.

This YouTube clip was recorded off of MTV2 in 1999 or 2000. (2:20) You will note that “rapist”, “bullet” and “shot” have been removed from the lyrics.  This is because some kid might watch this video, hear the word “bullet” and go SHOOT UP HIS GODDAMN SCHOOL because he heard the word “bullet” in a video, alas alack etc.  Nowadays, this seems to make as much sense as protecting our daughter’s virginity by shooting Elvis from the waist up, but Columbine really freaked people out.   Everyone was looking for someone to blame, and they settled on music.   Especially dark alternative music, because a kid in a spiked dog collar is an easier target than a faulty education system/parents that don’t give a shit/poor gun control/the deadening and hopeless future left for us by all of the above.   So: MTV removed all references to anything violent from every video they played, and radio followed suit, and now, in the glorious future of 2010, we have eliminated all forms of violence and all international disputes are settled with games of Beer Pong and Don’t Wake Daddy.  You’re welcome.

Final Judgement: Well, look – I love this song.  I love this band.  And if they want to play fast and loose with one of the darkest chapters in American history, then they can damn well play fast and loose with one of the darkest chapters in American history.  Enjoy the chili.  (B+)